Thus spake an incarnation of Beelzebub who lived in England at the turn of the 19th Century, a man of great industry and wealth who nonetheless by his insidious devilish nature perverted the course of the mighty river Commerce in the United Kingdom, diverting those once-powerful waters to be sullied and wasted over the sandy plains of Poor Reputation. By his trickery, an entire industry, once a world leader in technology, performance, and quality, was reduced to a worldwide butt of jokes and financial catastrophe, bringing the economy of an entire nation to its knees, and reducing that nation’s principal exports from the noble metals of Transport and Manufacture to the lowly pressing of musical discs, recording the harmonized mating calls of long-haired, drug addled dandies who wiggled their skinny asses to the gleeful delight of teenage girls, who wept at the sight.‘We are born of Darkness, and to Darkness we return; our time in the Light is but an interlude” – Joseph Lucas.







(Note: any similarities to actual titans of British industry producing devilishly maddening, smoke-exhaling electrickery, is purely coincidental, and intended as satire)

Good ole Lucas Prince of Darkness … flip the turn signal … the lights turn on … hit the power on the radio .. the damn lights turn off … turn the lights on .. the damn radio comes on … turn the ignition key off … it keeps running …
etc etc -et al -ad nauseam
The list is endless .. and constantly changing ( e.g. just cause A happened today doesn’t mean A will happen again tomorrow making tracking down the problems a real pain in the posterior )
Honestly … with Lucas on their side … its amazing the Brits did manage to hold off Germany in two world wars …. aint it
😎
Now about that last vaccine …. I am starting to get panic attacks every time Norm Redus’s name is mention …
LoL
Hmmm. There are an awful lot of Jo’s components in modern Rolls jet engines. Should we keep an eye to the sky for falling jetliners?
Like leaves, no doubt. 😉
Probably not seeing as how the majority of their parts are now outsourced to parts unknown avoiding the satanic Brit manufacturing and design foibles of old
What shocks me once again is how the ( bleep ) did the Brits hold up against Germany in two world wars .?
Oh … but wait … Spitfires did have a very nasty habit of catching fire mid-flight .. for no damn good reason at all … hmmm
Hello There Paul,
I did enjoy your extended comparison of Joe Lucas to Satan, and it gave me plenty of chuckles. Nicely done.
And yet I can’t help rallying to his defense (obviously I’m part of the wicked cabal). Lucas was just one of many manufacturers of lights, oil and electrical, and was no worse than many. The problem was certainly one that came to the surface most obviously in the post war years. When asked in the 60s why his factory couldn’t produce a better product he came out with an interesting observation: “I could market a better product if the British Motorcycle industry would pay for one”. The trouble was the bikes were often made to a price, rather than to a level of quality. Triumph were very much in that mode.
The manufacturers often chose the cheapest option for dynamos and lights. It was a tough market.
Lucas magnetos by contrast were of very good quality because there were plenty of rivals to contend with (Miller, BTH, Bosch etc) so he had to keep his standards up. They lasted well for the most part. My Matchless X3 had the same magneto for 70 years before the shellac melted and ran into the bearings, just to name one personal example. Lights, though, weren’t always so carefully attended to. To add to the problems there was a post-war rumor that if a part was produced that was defective it was likely to be packaged anyway and sent abroad. The thinking was that it’d be months or even years before the errors were noticed, and the company needed the money right away.
I am of course sad to think that your splendid Velocette has had magneto problems, but then I wonder how many times the mag has been rebuilt since it left Joe’s factory? Is it all his fault, I wonder? It might be, or it might not. And am I right in thinking that Velocette offered Miller lighting as an option? They always prided themselves on their quality of production. Not built to a price, you see.
And then again I think of my colleagues who have vintage Italian bikes and who sigh whenever I mention their dodgy electrics….. They mutter about the rain and how it never rains in Italy anyway, because every day is warm and sunny and filled with song. (Um, I’m sitting here in Tuscany just now, and it’s raining).
With a smile,
Allan
Hi Allan,
Thanks for the note! I don’t actually have a problem with British electrics, it’s just a funny, subject, and a bit cliché. I, too, have had 70 or 80 year old magneto’s work, perfectly, until they get overheated, and the shellac melts, as you know. Usually get though, it’s the condensers that fail first! Charles Falco wrote a wonderful article about the physics of the magneto condenser, and why none of the replacement condensers produced at this time will last very long!
I’m sitting on a sunny beach in southern Mexico, and have only one bike with a magneto here, my 1959 Norton nomad. I haven’t dug into the bag yet, hope it works. And yes, I’ve rebuilt many magnetos in the past. Sometimes they last…
Cliche ? Oh cme on PdO … Lucas electronics are and have been the bane of every Brit car and bike owner on the planet since day one !
Unless of course you happen to be one o’ those with a bad case of PDVS .
[ Post Decision Validation Syndrome .. and yes … its a real thing .. ask any shrink .. you’d be surprised how often this occurs .. especially here in the US of forgot to check the facts A )]